Take two jiggers of whiskey (gin or rum will do); take two more, add one who carefully drives while intoxicated, and the result will eventually be the same. Accidents are always looking for some place to happen, and the point where liquor and mentality meet is almost a perfect locale.

Convincing everyone of expert behavior at the wheel while intoxicated may impress the gang, but not the officer, judge, or maybe the coroner.

Simple chemistry explains, even to the moron, that gasoline and alcohol do not mix. The wise one explains that the effect of alcohol only increases his cautiousness; but cannot recall driving home.

Police tests of sobriety cause a suspect to try to touch the tip of his nose with his index finger. Simple it sounds, yet many fail after being taken from behind the wheel or a car weighing two tons or more and travelling recklessly. A tip to you—if you can’t touch the tip of your nose, don’t touch the wheel.

It is easier to give up your car keys to a sober driver than to give up your freedom or your life.

The judge will explain why a skinfull and a carfull are not only foolhardy, but criminal.

A drunk’s remedy is to stick to the curb, but the police report usually reveals it was the wrong curb.

Talk back to the taxi driver—he can take it, but the judge will not.

A "pick me up" before dinner too often leads to a "pick me up" by a very unsympathetic motor cop or an ambulance squad.

A lamp post is a much safer place to hang on to when intoxicated than a steering wheel.

"Even your best friend will tell you" not to drive when intoxicated. Heed his advice.

If the bartender agrees that you are perfectly sober and gives you another "on the house," ask him to lend you his car and see how quickly he changes his mind.

[04-01-03-004-0047 Fireman’s Fund Archives]